Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith


Star Wars – Revenge of the Sith

OK, I’ve seen it — Robyn and I went last night and added a bit to George Lucas’ billions.

And I was disappointed.

The acting was stilted and frankly, there is no way Anakin could have survived that fire to become Darth Vader. By the way, if the Jedi Knights were so into their feelings, and sensitive to the world around them, why didn’t they know that the Sith had infiltrated their army and it was going to turn on them.

Let’s see — I have been working with general so in so in this battle for years, and now, all of a sudden, he steps back three feet and blows me away. And I have powers far beyond those of mortal men. Oh well, if Lucas says it, it must be true.

The best part was the special effects.  The battles were great, the critters perfect (I loved the sort of lizard Obi Wan rides to catch up with some clone general) and the fact that Jar Jar Binks was relegated to attending a funeral was just right.

For those three of you who don’t know, the last three Star Wars episodes actually took place before the first three.  They are "prequals." They explain how things go the way they did in the first three.  And, if you know the story of the first three, the last three are completely predictable. No surprises, no twists, nothing that would make you sit up and say, "Wow, that’s a surprise."

I would have loved to have Obi Wan spend a couple of minutes to try to convince Luke’s curmudgeon foster father (Uncle Owen) to take the baby. After all, he’s the child’s what, his mothers son by another man. I guess he’s Darth Vader’s Step Brother. Well that makes sense. But as he aged (Uncle Owen) he sure became a grouch.

Or why not have Anakin/Darth kill Padme with a backhand and have her kept alive by sheer will until she gave birth rather than have her simply give up and die. A two sentence change could have made that happen, or — I could go on and on.

Oh yes, what kind of a wimp is Padme. She is supposed to be the leader of her people, a senator, a princess, and all, and then, when the going gets tough, just "gives up and dies." Give me a break.

In Episodes IV V and VI, Princess Lea is strong. She led people in battle. She picked up a blaster and saved Han’s life. She infiltrated Jabba the Hut’s lair and save him again. She was great. She didn’t put up with any crap from anyone and saw right through Han and his BS. She still fell in love with him, but it took a while.

Padme, last time, (Episode II) seemed to have some spine. However, she took one look at a grown up Anakin, a kid she knew as an eight year old, and fell in love with him. She had some kind of mental defect if she is running around looking at little boys.

Now she is so upset by the fact that her hubby went over to the dark side that she just simply gives up and dies. She has two kids. They aren’t enough to keep her going? I can’t imagine a mother who is perfectly healthy simply giving up after having two kids because dad is a jerk. If that were the case, half the women on the planet would be in various stages of the final throes.

Oh, yes, George Lucas can’t direct worth a damn. Even Jimmy Smits, well known accomplished actor, had trouble in the end handing his new foster daughter to his wife. The rest didn’t actually give world class performances, either. There will be no best actor nominations for this cast. There is no chemistry between ObiWan and Anakin. When ObiWan (Ewan McGregor) and Anakin (Hayden Christiansen) banter, its like Obi Wan is simply reading his lines and Anakin isn’t in the room.

Sheesh. Remember, Lucas didn’t direct episodes 5 and 6, arguably the two best of the series.

Lucas has gotten so routine with these things that he turned the movie over to his special effects folks and then phoned the rest in from his ranch in Marin.

And the ending, yes it was how it had to be, but it left me cold. Oh I know, it wasn’t the ending, it was the middle, but frankly the last scene in the most seen six movie series ever, a series that has led the way for a new genre in movie making, could have been more than a remake of a scene in Episode 4 (that’s the first one for those of you not keeping score).

In Blazing Saddles Mel Brooks had his main characters ride off into the sunset. But that was a cliche and delivered perfectly. In Episode III, Lucas has folks we just met stand and watch the sun go down. Well I guess that had to happen — we killed off the Jedi and the princess, turned Anakin into a monster, put the emperor in charge, sent Yoda to the swamp, I guess there wasn’t anyone else left to ride off into the sunset.

Remember, George, everyone hated Episode V (The Empire Strikes Back) because of its wimpy ending. I think if you ask anyone over 50, they will tell you that this one wimps out, too,along with the Jedi, Padme, Yoda, ObiWan,and the rest. We have to wait for Luke and Leia to grow up and save the day.

If you look at the true meaning of Star Wars you can see that it means that to succeed you need perseverance, strength of character, and will. You also have to be right. Darth Vader had the first three, as did the Emperor. The Jedi had will and strength but no perseverance. Only Luke and Leia and Han had them all. Lucas had them too, 27 years ago. But he has wimped out with age.


John Van Horn

John Van Horn

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