Living Cicada Loca!


Living Cicada Loca!

I guess if you just spent 17 years underground, you would have big bulging red eyes as well. Imagine living 17 years as a larva, in a tunnel 1 to 2 feet underground, sucking tree sap forever, and then magically, your biological clock alarm goes off and you burrow out of the ground and emerge into a giant orgy of trillions of your look-alikes. 

The Brood X Cicadas (not locusts) have emerged in 15 states. Indiana, my home, boasts one of the densest populations. I have a .6-acre lot. At 1.5 million per acre, you do the math, lots of protein flying around.

Purdue University said that you can eat cicadas, they taste like chicken. Just joking on the chicken comment. But I got to thinking, when you first tasted chicken, did you say, “Wow, that tastes like chicken?” 

The great news is that they are high in protein, low in carbs and gluten free. Finally, a gluten free meal someone can eat every 17 years. I wonder how well they freeze.

For the Brood X, it’s really all about the sex. If you watch TV from normal sitcoms to HBO series to White House scandals, it’s really all about the sex there, too. 

Why would a cicada be any different? The male makes an incredibly loud noise that mirrors that of a nearby lawn mower or train…90 to 100 decibels. That is one loud noise of a male begging for his once in 17 years “nooner.” 

I was at a graduation party the other day and it was so noisy inside that I sat outside for awhile to get a break. That was a mistake. That was like taking a phone call inside a jet engine. When I returned inside, my eardrums did a victory dance, thanking me for returning to only the nonstop chatter. 

I helped my youngest mow 10 lawns on Saturday morning…it was 93 degrees. A few lessons learned. I wore a loose fitting lightweight long-sleeved shirt and lightweight long pants. It was amazingly not hot. Another lesson I learned is that Brood X cicadas don’t bite, but they love to get all over you. 

I don’t think I laughed so hard in my life as when we were mowing this one lawn that had been overtaken by the little horny buggers. I had tons of creepy crawlers on me at all times: In my hair, on my back, on my neck. It was hilarious. 

I got to thinking. First, I am so glad that God made me as a human and not a Brood X cicada. I’m so glad that I don’t live in a hole most of my life. I have run into many humans that do act like they live in a hole, however. As far as I know, I don’t taste like chicken. 

Ironically, if you have a shellfish allergy, you can’t eat cicadas. I’m also thankful that I was given a life to live in the greatest nation in the world, the United States of America. 

As a Pittsburgh Penguin fan, I hate to lose a hockey game to anyone, especially Philadelphia and the Washington Capitals. 

Twice now, the Penguins have lost to the NY Islanders. New Yorkers used to have such a poor reputation. After 9/11, their citizens seemed to become softer and more approachable. 

As the entire country and world reached out to the New Yorkers in love, they recognized that the world didn’t revolve on the axis of New York City after all, and they became more human. Covid has done it again to this great city. 

I am pulling for the NY Islanders for the Stanley Cup this year, even though they dismantled my beloved. Game One of the final four (third round) at Nassau Coliseum ERUPTED when over 14,000 people joined the headliner in signing the National Anthem. 

It was a boost to all in attendance. Pride of country and pride of team. What could be better than that? That is pure religion!

I think its pure genius, the design of the cicada by The Creator. No detail spared from the huge red bulging eyes with the black dotted center pupils to the translucent paper-thin wings with well-defined orange veins. 

The cicada is a masterpiece. I think it’s also pure genius, the timing of the emergence of the cicadas to the emergence of all the crap our nation has suffered this year. 

All the noise we hear from the news media to politicians to tech giants who want to tell us what to eat and how to think like them, just because they are rich. So much noise! 

Thank you, God, for creating a louder noise that is harmless (the cicadas don’t bite, sting, or eat your tree leaves) to shut out the noise of those who believe that they are the real chosen ones.

Article contributed by:
Jeff Pinyot
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