The Relationship with Yourself: Building a Foundation of Trust & Connection
By Clarena Tobon
February, often associated with relationships and connections, offers the perfect time to focus on one of the most important relationships of all — the one we have with ourselves. Treating ourselves with kindness and fostering self-connection can transform how we navigate life’s challenges and joys. Here’s how to start building a relationship with yourself that feels safe, supportive, and connected.
1. Speak to yourself with kindness.
Many of us have an inner critic that’s quick to judge or point out flaws. One of the first steps to improving your relationship with yourself is replacing criticism with kindness.
• When you catch yourself being self-critical, pause and ask, “Would I say this to a friend?”
• Practice rephrasing negative self-talk into supportive language. For example, instead of thinking, “I failed again,” try saying, “I’m learning and growing through this experience.”
• Being kind to yourself builds trust and creates a sense of safety in your own mind.
2. Spend time alone intentionally.
It’s easy to get caught up in distractions or responsibilities, leaving little room to simply be with yourself. Carve out time for intentional solitude, where you can reflect, dream, or relax without external input.
• Go for a walk without your phone.
• Spend time journaling your thoughts, feelings, or goals.
• Engage in an activity you enjoy — just for yourself.
These moments help you reconnect with who you are and what you truly want.
3. Listen to your needs.
How often do you stop and ask yourself, “What do I really need right now?”
• Tune in to your physical and emotional needs. Are you tired? Hungry? Overwhelmed? In need of joy?
• Respond to those needs with care. For instance, if you’re feeling drained, give yourself permission to rest instead of pushing through.
By listening and responding to your needs, you build a relationship of respect and trust with yourself.
4. Embrace your authenticity.
Part of feeling safe and connected with yourself is accepting who you are — flaws, quirks, and all.
• Stop comparing yourself to others or trying to meet unrealistic standards.
• Celebrate what makes you unique, whether it’s a talent, a passion, or even the way you think.
The more you embrace your authentic self, the more secure and connected you’ll feel.
5. Commit to self-care as self-respect.
Self-care isn’t about indulgence. It’s about showing respect for your own well-being.
• Self-care could mean taking care of your body through healthy food, movement, or adequate sleep.
• It could also mean setting boundaries in relationships or work to protect your time and energy.
Think of self-care as an investment in your mental and physical health.
6. Practice forgiveness.
We often forgive others but hold onto guilt or regret for our own mistakes. To strengthen your relationship with yourself, practice self-forgiveness.
• Acknowledge what happened and what you learned from it.
• Let go of lingering self-blame, recognizing that imperfection is part of being human.
Self-forgiveness creates space for growth and frees you from unnecessary burdens.
7. Be your own cheerleader.
When you accomplish something — big or small — acknowledge it! Celebrating your own wins helps build confidence and reinforces positive feelings about yourself.
• Keep a list of things you’re proud of, from solving a problem at work to completing a personal goal.
• Don’t be afraid to congratulate yourself — you deserve it.
The way we treat ourselves sets the tone for how we approach life. By being kind, listening to our needs, and embracing who we are, we create a relationship with ourselves that feels safe, supportive, and empowering. This February, take time to nurture that connection: The most important relationship is the one you’ll have with yourself, every day, for the rest of your life.
CLARENA TOBON is the executive director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Central Texas. She can be reached at clarena@namicentraltx.org.
