The Value of Hopelessness
Have you ever found yourself in a professional situation in which all you felt was hopelessness? It's one of those rare moments when you've flexed every single leadership muscle, yet the situation refuses to improve.
In my 35 years in business, I’ve faced several of these moments. However, I didn’t learn to view these situations differently and act decisively until I read a book recommended by my coach. Yes, I have a coach.
If I may digress for a moment, having a coach reminds me of a story about Warren Buffett, the famed billionaire renowned for living a spartan life, despite his vast wealth. Buffett still lives in the first house he purchased, long before he became a billionaire. He’s famous for saying that every dollar at his disposal should be used to earn another dollar and not "wasted" on frivolous extravagances.
Before buying his first airplane, Buffett always flew coach, rather than taking private jets. That meant trips to New York for board meetings, for example, were 2-day affairs. After finally buying his first plane, he named it "The Indefensible" because he couldn’t justify the extravagance of private air travel.
However, when Buffet realized he could leave his house at 8:00 a.m., conduct business, and return home in time for dinner, he quickly understood the value of private air travel. He reclaimed the most precious commodity known to humanity — time.
Buffett went on to purchase a second airplane also named "The Indispensable.” Eventually, he bought the private air travel company NetJets, which remains a part of Buffet’s multinational conglomerate — Berkshire Hathaway, Inc. — to this day. So, what’s the point?
The point is, I initially felt that having a coach was an extravagance. However, I soon realized having a coach was a necessity, because it unlocked insights like those I discovered in the book "Necessary Endings," by Dr. Henry Cloud. My coach recommended it when I was struggling with several leadership challenges that seemed hopeless.
The central theme of the book — which is subtitled “The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have To Give Up in Order To Move Forward” — is that all events, relationships, or companies follow a natural arc. With the right moves, like coaching and adjustments, this arc can be influenced or prolonged. But sometimes, the best course of action is to execute a graceful ending because the arc has reached its conclusion. So, how do you know when it’s the end of an arc?
Let’s revisit hopelessness. You know it’s time to end what you’ve been working so hard on when you’ve reached a state of hopelessness. Dr. Cloud suggests hopelessness is a good thing because it pushes us to explore different alternatives. He argues that the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of change.
Sometimes, the correct alternative is to end the "thing," whatever it might be. Other times, taking action means doing something different, like giving feedback to colleagues or loved ones that may be hard to deliver but necessary to hear.
I've found this concept immensely valuable, both professionally and personally. My natural tendency is to "work around" situations until I can no longer do so. Dr. Cloud’s concept of hopelessness validated my approach and provided me with a clear path forward.
How might this be helpful to you? They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. We all fall into the trap of wanting different outcomes while repeating the same actions.
Dr. Cloud’s work gave me the license to recognize the insanity sooner, label it as hopelessness, and act earlier than I might have otherwise.
As you read this, I hope this message encourages you to assess whether you’re currently wrestling with a situation that might seem hopeless and in need of an alternative approach.
Who knows? Like Warren Buffet, the change you make might restore the one commodity we can never reclaim — time. My hope for you is to see reality as it is and deal with it, giving you peace of mind and reclaiming what’s rightfully yours — your sanity and your time.
BRIAN WOLFF is the President & CEO of Parker Technology. He can be reached at brian.wolff@parkertechnology.com or visit www.parkertechnology.com.
