By Colleen Gallion
Years ago, a friend and I swapped “war stories” about professors from the notoriously competitive music schools we each attended. “I had a composition teacher,” he said, “who graded on the zero.” He then explained that if your assignment was perfect, you would receive a zero because there were no errors. For every mistake you made, you received a negative point. Zero was the best grade you could expect.
My reaction was visceral. Not just because of the mean-spiritedness of it, but because of my deep familiarity with being graded on the zero. I have a lifetime of experience having my parents, teachers, bosses, and customers grade me on a scale of zero. I know what it’s like to know the best I could expect for a perfect performance was to avoid being teased, criticized, or yelled at. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. However, how many of us work in a place where our success is measured in “putting out fires” and “avoiding getting yelled at.”
Recognize negative feedback fatigue
When the majority of the feedback you receive is negative, whether it be from your boss, clients, or colleagues, you will quickly develop feedback fatigue. Depending on your temperament, symptoms can include anxiety, defensiveness, decision paralysis, and disengagement. So, how do you overcome negative feedback fatigue in a “zero grade” industry?
Create your scorecard
Take a moment and think about what you WISH you were recognized for at work. It can be something serious, like how your spreadsheets are amazing, or something silly, like the self-control you show in not eating the last donut. All that matters is that you deserve credit for it.
How do you keep score? In whatever way makes you happy. At one job, I kept an index card at my desk so I could give myself a hash mark every time I didn’t correct my boss’s grammar. It can be just that petty!
Celebrate wins with a dose of dopamine
Every time you earn a point in your scoring system, celebrate! When we celebrate something, our body releases dopamine. Dopamine activates our motivation and reward system, promoting feelings of joy and boosting drive and motivation.
Not sure how to celebrate? Here are some ideas:
• Listen to a song that pumps you up. Dance like nobody’s watching!
• Enjoy a nice piece of chocolate. Let it melt in your mouth while you take a deep breath and silently say to yourself, “Well done, you magnificent genius!”
• Give someone a high-five and say, “I did a thing!” Whether you tell them what you did is entirely up to you.
Take your hand off the stove
When something goes wrong, it’s like touching a hot stove, emotionally. Our bodies flood with stress hormones whose job it is to say to us, “Hey! Whatever this is, let’s not do this again!” If we let go of that stressful moment, those hormones flush out of our system in just a few minutes.
However, if we replay the moment over and over in our minds, we are, metaphorically, putting our hand back on the stove. Although we are imagining a stressful situation, our bodies don’t know the difference, so we flood ourselves with a fresh batch of stress hormones.
Here are some ways to take your hand off the proverbial stove so a bad moment doesn’t become a bad day:
• Rub two fingertips together. Put all of your attention on the sensation of those two fingers, to the point that you can feel the ridges of your fingerprints.
• Take a few deep breaths and focus all your attention on the sensation of air flowing in and out of your nose.
• Close your eyes and smell something lovely, for example, a fresh cup of coffee or a small container of lavender oil.
When we focus our attention on a single physical sense, it short-circuits that part of our brain that wants to rehash the negative experience and gives us access to our wiser, calmer self.
The great work you do is vital and often invisible. Remember that I see you; you’re doing a fantastic job, and I think you’re fabulous!
COLLEEN GALLION is an ICF-certified professional coach whose passion is supporting entrepreneurs and founders in building healthy and sustainable teams. For more information, visit www.gallioncoaching.com.
